Info Panel
You are here:   Home  /  English  /  Lectures  /  Misanthropia  /  4. Eurovision | In Euphoria

4. Eurovision | In Euphoria

originally posted on FaceBook as Eurovision 2012 – the “Montenegro” Paradox

Last Saturday, May the 26th, 41 European countries participated in the yearly music contest “Eurovision”, which was held at Baku, capital city of Azerbaijan.

The first position was claimed by Sweden with an “original” (try reading that with a straight face) song called “Euphoria”. The song, like most songs these days, was in the English language. I’m not either in favour, nor against using the English language. It does mean that more people will understand what you’re saying -which is obviously good- but, it also means that most differences among the countries will be polished, or downright smoothed out by the use of a foreign language.

The second place was taken by Russia, represented by six adorable grannies (actually, 5 plus 1). They sang in Udmurt (yes, it’s a language) and changed to English for the chorus. Happy – happy song! You can’t help but love them.

Now, after a full week has passed, and after the songs have lost their initial glitter of smoke and mirrors, I felt like sharing my own thoughts on this… event.

Obviously, none would want me to go through 41 entries, one after the other, so I’ll keep it short.

 

1. Sweden–Euphoria

 

Sweden: Not a bad voice, simplistic in execution, we’ve heard gazillions of songs just like this one before -it won’t ever play outside of a club, or a beach bar- but, yeah, why not? I mean, Sweden’s last win was what? 13 years ago? The winning country needs to be recycled from time to time, right?

2. Russia–Party for Everybody

Russia: I loved them. Absolutely loved them. From their out of tune singing, to the native language used, to the reason they gave for being there (had they won, they would use the money to rebuilt their local church), I absolutely loved them. Sorry you didn’t make it grannies.

3. Iceland-Never Forget

Iceland: A nice song, a wonderful video clip (if you’ve seen the preview), a duet… I liked this song. I thought it’d do better.

 

4. Greece–Aphrodisiac

Hellas/Greece: I didn’t like our entry. I didn’t like ANY of the three songs that competed to represent us. In any case, I thought we’re better than going around showing off our fannies. Whatever.

 

5. Latvia Beautiful Song

Latvia: I liked this song. Some years ago, I guess this would be the song to play on the radio more than most of the others.

6. Israel – Time

Israel: Dude! Europe can only take SO many gays. Come on, you won once with Dana, good for you. Stop sending all your trans/gays/asexuals to the competition. Enough! On another note, it was a funny song. Oh! The singer reminds me of Om Nom ( http://windowsteamblog.com/ie/b/ie/archive/2012/01/09/om-nom-now-om-line.aspx – yeah, I laughed hard)

7. Cyprus–La la love

Cyprus: I did like this one. Full of life and excitement. I did like it. I’m not saying it’s quality song making. I’m just saying, from all those cute, dance tunes, this one I liked the most.

8. Skopje – CRNO I BELO

Skopje: For as long as you insist on calling yourselves Macedonians, I’ll insist on calling you Skopjans. And, if at some point, you decide to make use of whatever name they give you, I may start using it too. About the song: possibly the best voice in the competition and an interesting song too. I liked it.

 

Now, why is this the Montenegro Paradox?

Cause, most of the songs that were sent to the Eurovision contest were dance tunes. There were a couple of Rocks (that’s stretching the term to a hyperbole), some songs were about love (they almost always are the vast majority of the ESC songs), some others were about other trivial stuff…

and then you have Rambo. Rambo Amadeus.

No, seriously. That’s the guy’s, or the band’s, name.

And, they come on stage and they sing … this: Euro Neuro | http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JHnqF5PLP2w

As a Hellene (or, Greek, if you so prefer), I can only be happy with this song. The lyrics follow:

Montenegro–Euro Neuro

Eurosceptic*, analphabetic*
Try not to be hermetic*

Euro* Neuro* don’t be sceptic*
Hermetic*, pathetic*, analphabetic*
Forget all cosmetic*, you need new poetic*
Esthetic*, ecletic*, dialectic*

Euro* neuro*, don’t be dogmatic* bureaucratic
You need to become pragmatic*
To stop change climatic* automatic*
Need contribution from the institution
To find solution for pollution
To save the children of the evolution

Euro* Neuro*, Euro* Neuro*
Monetary break dance
Euro* Neuro*, Euro* Neuro*
Give me chance to refinance

(Blaue grotte ausflug do Zanjica, heute habe hobotnica)

Euro Neuro I don’t like snobism
Nationalism, puritanism
I am different organism*
My heroism* is pacifism, altruism
I enjoy bicyclism
Liberalism, tourism, nudism, optimism
It is good for rheumatism*

Euro* Neuro*, Euro* Neuro*
Monetary break dance
Euro* Neuro*, Euro* Neuro*
Give me chance to refinance

Euro neuro, I got no ambition
For high position in competition
With air condition
Different mission, different school
I got only one rule
Always stay cool
Like a swimming pool

Euro* Neuro*, Euro* Neuro*
Monetary break dance
Euro* Neuro*, Euro* Neuro*
Give me chance to refinance

 

Now, you may think to yourself… WTF is that? It practically makes no sense at all.

Well, in a way, it does.
Did you see the Trojan Horse and the blue-white flag waving on the video wall?
It doesn’t take much to figure it out.

When all others sent some half decent females to show off their privates, Montenegro sent a Manifesto.
A political, economical manifesto.
One that uses more than 20 Hellenic/Greek words in the English language.
Sort of how Sweden sang Euphoria. Indeed, that’s a Hellenic/Greek word too.

I can only be too happy seeing my mother tongue conveying so many different meanings in a foreign language.
In that sense, I should also be happy with my country’s entry: Aphrodisiac. There’s nothing more to it, however.

Montenegro didn’t make it through the Semi-Final round.
Hopefully, they already know that the reason for that is not that their song was not up to par.
Hopefully, they already know that the song that will win -like most songs in the top 10 places for that matter- has to flash some skin. Preferebly, a woman’s.

Cause that’s what Europe is. A bunch of partying ostrichs who do not want to be bothered by deep messages, worries, or anything unsettling.
They want to watch, enjoy, go to bed and wake up in their perfect little glass world.
Sort of how the Americans are. Not as severely, but, working hard to get there.

Please do not disturb us. We’re in Euphoria now.

  2012  /  Misanthropia  /  Last Updated January 20, 2014 by Phlegyas  / 

Leave a Reply